Bad to Worse

OK - I'm now praying a little. The bloody NHS is a fucking whitewash of lies. I've had failed surgery, recovered a little and enjoyed some painfree time which I have treasured. But the roller coaster of pain and pause, pain and pause has been the pattern over the past eight months - so much so that I have come to expect the good times to be shortlived, but more importantly, I envision the pain to clear in days or weeks, which is the better part of the deal.

Three weeks ago, at the behest of my consultant, I embarked on a new experimental regime of therapy at my regular hospital, the result of which has set me back by about three months, so I have voluntarily stopped going to the outpatients department of my hospital. I now expect to be blacklisted from this particular hospital's caseload. I don't want this to be a battle of wits and I will find another source to curtail this illness

Consultant's Assessment of MRSA

OK – Now I am a little worried. I had a pre-hospital assessment of my MRSA infection. I have always asked for the truth and I am not afraid of the truth. If I had been told I had cancer, I would accept the resultant pain associated with that disclosure, but I have an infection; I have never been warned that an infection could lead to this level of agony. I am still in agony – more so today due to having to wait around a Consultant’s surgery for 1hr and 30 mins yesterday, plus travelling time, plus the fact that I had the same journey three days ago, only to return home as my appointment was cancelled.

The consultation went well until another doctor arrived to give his expert opinion, a tentative diagnosis of what might be ailing the patient. This doctor has never been involved in my medical history and that pissed me off a bit because it meant that he had to ask for background on my case. Then the crux came out of the blue in an explosion of words. Turning to the consultant, he asked, “Have you ever seen a case like this before?” I took that to mean that the first doctor (the hauled-in expert) had never seen a case like mine in his career. The consultant didn’t actually answer with a yes or a no but gave a kind of cough, a grunt, or a throat clearing. The first doctor couldn’t understand the response, so he enquired “Yes???” And the consultant replied “mmmmmm” without committing herself to a “yes” or a “no”.

The enquiring doctor then visibly turned pale, grimaced a little and shot me a quick glance, before storming off whence he came, without a goodbye or anything. But I wasn’t angry because he was so sweet and handsome, and tall and he had been full of the joys of spring and wisdom when he arrived.

MRSA

OK – This is another rant. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck fuck.

My hospital admission has been postponed by three weeks due to shortage of staff, during which time this new version of MRSA infection has been slowly progressing under the direction of MY OWN antibodies, as opposed to RACING at light speed through my guts and muscle under the direct influence of various oral and IV antibiotics, which have included extremely high doses of Ciprofloxacin, Erithromycin, Cephalexin, Clarithromycin, Doxycyclin, and Metronidazol which I have been prescribed intermittently since August 2006. Certain medications that are supposed to kill staphyloccocus are based on starving the bug of oxygen but, apparently, I have an anaerobic staphylococcus A. that can survive inside the body, which flourishes very well and reproduces without oxygen.

My Consultant is very sympathetic to my plight. She is a wonderful, overworked, underfed, beautiful, considerate, compassionate angel and I cannot adequately express enough gratitude to do justice to the service that she provides. I need to ask her for a specific new generation of antibiotic that I bought for $500 (offered at half the going rate) but it never arrived or has been stolen. Well, fuck my fucking luck.

Counting down the days, again.

Banner Template

MRSA Update

OK – I am still alive and living on my wits alone. I have been suffering from the effects of MRSA since August 2006 - initially, a blood infection -secondly, a bone infection, which has now migrated to muscle. I think my own antibodies are starting to kick in after a six-month slog. That’s a stroke of luck in itself, as the private prescription for the next generation of antibiotics has mysteriously been lost in transit. Well, thank you to whoever stole my medications. I hope they make you choke and may you never recover. I am just beginning to count my blessings as I read and hear about the treatment of other patients at the hands of the National Health Service...

Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt said she was shocked by the findings of a report of negligence in the NHS.

It told how one patient, 43-year-old Martin, went without food for 26 days while in hospital following a stroke. That left him too weak to undergo surgery and he died on December 21 2005.

Doctors told Cancer patient, Emma, 26, in 2004 she had a 50/50 chance of survival but they did not treat her, as they believed she would not co-operate with treatment.
She was taken to the hospital numerous times by her mother but not given adequate treatment or pain relief, it said.

Mark, 30, died eight weeks after being admitted to hospital with a broken leg.
He waited three days to see the pain team before dying on August 29 2003.

The families of those concerned have lodged complaints with the relevant NHS trusts and the Healthcare Commission.

Flying Pteri

Flying Pteri

We fly,
we spy,
we sigh,
we dream,
this night,
this time,
this year;
each child
will ride
each beat
each cloud
each star;
each man
will climb
each rung
each hope
each tide
and claim
each tear
that falls
and stake
each place
on high

Scrolling Boxes

My favourite Poem


How lovely to see a lemon drop moon,
adoring a blueberry sky in June.

Mountains of chocolate all dusted in white,
pure sugar icing, thus making them bright.

Liquorice logs are the bark of the trees,
angelica leaves sway in the breeze.

Peppermint pebbles, a marshmallow shore,
sherbet fountains and love hearts galore.

A cream soda lake and cranberry falls,
little fudge houses with nut toffee walls.

Lollipop lampposts in soft treacle soil,
sprinkled crushed peanuts, a sidewalk with style.

Imagine the fun to visit this land,
Confectionary Island - well - it sounds grand.


Betty Hattersley

Erik Mongrain

This guy is an AWESOME musician

Splot Test

As for splogging, for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. In comes Splog Reporter:

Please report your splogs there, and ask Technorati to utilize a service like this to correct their ranking.

Silver Moon (Revised)

Silver Moon

The moon’s first kiss
was a tentative nudge
as she circled the earth.
Curious moon, she wept.

A sonorous serenade
from ripening midnight skies
swamps the latent earth.
Sleepy moon, she sighs.

Moon quivers, inhales the void
in a breath of wonderment
as vibrant new life emerges.
Harvest moon, she reaps.

Eons pass through many
trials and tribulations
the reeling rocks have wrought.
Wise moon, she weeps.

Tears enshroud the moon,
helpless onlooker in the face
of drought and devastation.
Spartan moon, she shivers.

The moon inhales a cocktail
of noxious clouds of progress
from test tubes and engines of man.
Hapless moon, she sobs.

Outraged moon looks on
as man wages war, killing
life in the ocean and forest.
Anxious moon, she weeps.

Inadequate moon, pondering
what outcome awaits the earth.
She can hardly bear to look.
Cheerless moon, she weeps.

Silver Moon

Silver Moon

A sweet serenade
sweeps the earth
from midnight skies.
The moon, she cheers.

The moon’s first encounter
was a joyful parade
as she circled the earth.
Curious moon, she wept.

The moon paused, inhaled
a breath of wonderment
as new life sprung through.
Sleepy moon, she sighed.

Many eons pass, many
trials and tribulations
she has witnessed.
Wise moon, she wept.

Tears enshroud the moon,
helpless onlooker in the face
of drought and devastation.
Shaken moon, she cares.

The moon inhales a cocktail
of noxious clouds from
the test tubes of man.
Silent moon, she sobs.

Outraged moon looks on
as we do battle, bravely fight
in combat to the ultimate end.
Anxious moon, she still weeps.

Inadequate moon, she ponders
what outcome awaits the earth.
She can hardly bear to look.
Cheerless moon, she still weeps.

Poor Management of Pain

The Poor Management of Pain

by Richard Lee

Government restrictions to discourage the growing concern of drug abuse, trafficking, and physical dependence are resulting in physicians undertreating patients with chronic pain.
It is seemingly a no-win situation. On the one hand, the more you treat pain with opioids, the more likely you will be investigated by state or federal authorities. But, on the other hand, the less you treat pain with opioids, the greater your chances of being sued for civil damages on the grounds of undertreatment.1
“Lawyers are lining up right now...looking for cases of poor pain management,” according to remarks given by Bill McCarberg, MD, director of the Chronic Pain Management Program at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego and an assistant clinical professor at the University of California, San Diego, who also serves on the board of the American Pain Society. “Whenever you encounter litigation against doctors for pain management, it is never because...we do not allow the patient to get a muscle relaxant...It is always about opioid management. We get sued because we’re not using opioids.”

William Marcus, JD, a consultant on pharmacy-controlled substances, pain management, and administrative law (he is also a part-time administrative law judge with the Office of Administrative Hearings in Los Angeles), told a lecture audience that physicians are just as nervous about criminal prosecution as they are about being the target of a personal injury case when it comes to ordering potent relief for pain.2 Indeed, fear of regulatory scrutiny for prescribing controlled substances has been shown to discourage physicians from prescribing opioids of sufficient strength for the patient’s pain, especially for chronic nonmalignant pain.3 Such fears can result in the selection of less effective analgesics and, ultimately, undertreatment of the patient’s pain. Of course, fears of getting into trouble with authorities or of being hauled into civil court are not the only factors making physicians reluctant to prescribe. Many physicians worry that their patients will become addicted to opioid and codeine medications,3 or that insurance companies will make it hard for patients to access the medications in the first place.

Meanwhile, studies have found that the reluctance to prescribe opioids for noncancer pain treatment has resulted in ineffective relief for large groups of patients.3 For example, in a recent study of 805 chronic pain sufferers, it was reported that more than 50% found it necessary to change physicians in their quest for pain relief.

That is unfortunate, because “pain is highly prevalent in our society, and it is being grossly undermanaged,” in the words of McCarberg, who noted that pain (as a symptom in itself) is the third most common reason sick patients give for missing work. And, with 75% of the US adult population regularly using over-the-counter pain medicine, 35% of that total also take prescription drugs for pain.1
Further, stated McCarberg, “pain is frequently disproportionate to the injury involved when it becomes chronic. This is why it’s hard: It persists well beyond expected healing, you frequently have numerous, fruitless diagnostic interventions, and our biomedical model fails. The biomedical model states that if a patient’s in pain, there is a pain generator that’s causing that pain. All you have to do is find the generator, fix that—that disc, or that facet joint, or that muscle that’s tight—and [theoretically] the pain goes away.”

Overcoming Reluctance

Taking a closer look at the laws and regulations concerning the prescribing of medicines covered by the federal Controlled Substances Act (CSA), it is easy to see why orthopedists and other practitioners are skittish, but the fact is that these rules are not intended to interfere with the legitimate processes of the doctor-patient relationship. The goal of the CSA is simply to prevent abuse, trafficking, and diversion of medications with a potential for producing psychological or physical dependence. However, the CSA recognizes that such medications “are necessary for public health and that their availability for medical and scientific purposes must be assured.”

CSA requires that prescriptions for Schedule II drugs (the most potent of controlled substances) must be in written form and may not be refilled, while five refills are permitted for drugs in Schedules III and IV. CSA imposes no limits on the sizes of the prescription or on the duration of prescribing.

The imposition of limits is left to the states, which in most cases have stepped up to that responsibility with considerable zeal. All of the states’ own versions of CSA permit prescribing of controlled substances, although it is hit-or-miss as to whether they specifically reflect the recognition by federal law of the medical uses of controlled substances.

Typically, the criminal provisions of the state acts are enforced by state and local police agencies, while the drug regulatory aspects of state-controlled substances laws are administered by a variety of state agencies, including departments of regulation and licensing and medical or pharmacy boards. These agencies often have their own regulations governing the prescribing and dispensing of controlled substances, and they are usually more stringent than the provisions of the federal CSA. For example, some states limit the amount that can be prescribed at one time, and limit the validity of a controlled substance prescription to a few days or weeks. Some have overly broad definitions of the term “addict” that can be interpreted to include physically dependent pain patients (in several jurisdictions, prescribing to such persons is outright prohibited; in others, physicians are required to supply names of patients receiving controlled-substances prescriptions to one or more state agencies).4
Some states have also adopted laws that require physicians and pharmacists to use special government forms when prescribing and dispensing certain controlled substances. These programs allow state health departments or law enforcement agencies (and even licensing boards) to monitor prescriptions of potent pain drugs and uncover fraud and abuse. State special-prescription programs differ considerably: they require use of either a triplicate, duplicate, or single-copy form, usually state-issued.

In recent years, many states have adopted “intractable pain treatment acts” (IPTAs). These are often modeled after an 1989 measure adopted by Texas. The idea is to address physician reluctance to prescribe opioids for the treatment of chronic pain by providing—at minimum—immunity from discipline at the hands of state medical boards.

Most states that have IPTAs have also taken the step of adopting practice statements or guidelines to further clarify physician responsibilities and, hopefully, further reassure them on prescribing opioids.2 As one example, California law now requires 12 hours of continuing medical education on effective pain-management techniques and medication.

“The more practitioners, regulators, and the public understand pain and pain management, the better care we will all get because there’s no regulator who is so converted as the regulator who’s been in pain, or whose family has been,” Marcus contended in his lecture.

That notwithstanding, many experts believe the best way to avoid problems with authorities—and with patients’ lawyers—is to get in the habit of producing accurate and thorough documentation on your cases requiring pain management. Records on each such patient should include: medical history and physical examination findings; diagnostic, therapeutic, and laboratory results; evaluations and consultations; treatment objectives; discussion of risks and benefits; treatments; medications (including date, type, dosage, and quantity prescribed); instructions and agreements; and periodic reviews.

Rapid Advances

McCarberg made the point that advances in the field of pain management are these days arriving faster than in any other branch of medicine: “Everything I learned in medical school about pain management is outdated today.”1
Among the relatively recent innovations worth noting are medications that include diclofenac sodium with misoprostol, extended-release morphine sulfate capsules, and levetiracetam.

Diclofenac sodium with misoprostol is indicated for treatment of pain associated with symptoms of osteoarthritis or rheumatoid arthritis in patients at high risk of developing NSAID-induced gastric and duodenal ulcers and their complications (diclofenac sodium is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug with analgesic properties, while misoprostol is a gastrointestinal mucosal protective prostaglandin E1 analog).

In pharmacological studies, diclofenac sodium has been shown to be effective as an anti-inflammatory and analgesic agent (it is also used for reducing fever). The mechanism of action of diclofenac sodium (like other NSAIDs) is not completely understood, but may be related to prostaglandin synthetase inhibition. It achieves peak plasma levels in about 2 hours (the range is 1 to 4 hours).7 Each tablet consists of an enteric-coated core containing 50 mg or 75 mg of diclofenac sodium surrounded by an outer mantle containing 200 mg of misoprostol. For osteoarthritis, the recommended dosage for maximal gastrointestinal mucosal protection is 50 mg three times a day (patients who experience intolerance can be given 75 mg twice daily or 50 mg twice daily, but these are less effective in preventing ulcers). For rheumatoid arthritis sufferers, the recommended dosage is 50 mg three or four times daily (intolerance can be addressed the same as with the alternate dosing for osteoporosis patients).

The cost of 60 tablets, 50 mg/200 mg, runs about $100.
Then there is the morphine sulfate extended-release capsule for once-daily treatment of chronic, moderate-to-severe pain in patients who require continuous, long-duration, around-the-clock therapy (each capsule provides relief for a full 24 hours). A morphine sulfate extended-release capsule product approved 2 years ago by the FDA features a novel dual release formulation containing immediate and sustained-release morphine beads. Once steady-state plasma levels of morphine are achieved, the immediate-release beads enable morphine sulfate extended-release capsules to provide rapid exposure to morphine. The sustained-release beads enable morphine to be absorbed by the body gradually, thus maintaining plasma morphine levels over a 24-hour dosing period.

In a double-blind, placebo-controlled trial, this particular morphine sulfate extended-release capsule product improved physical function in patients with chronic moderate-to-severe osteoarthritis pain. The lead author of the study was quoted as saying, “Opioids are never the first tier treatment choice for osteoarthritis. But I think it is useful to point out that morphine is not end-organ toxic, which cannot be said for [nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs].”

Capsules come in strengths of 30, 60, 90, and 120 mg.
Levetiracetam provides an intriguing twist in that it is primarily intended as adjunctive therapy in the treatment of partial onset seizures in adults with epilepsy. However, some new studies suggest that levetiracetam also exhibits pain-blocking properties, and so may be useful in treating chronic pain.

Levetiracetam is available in strengths of 250, 500, and 750 mg tablets for oral administration. The main drawback of levetiracetam is that it is substantially excreted by the kidney, and the risk of adverse reactions to this drug may be greater in patients with impaired renal function. Thus, dosing must be individualized according to the patient’s renal function status.9 The cost is about $50 for 30 tablets at 250 mg strength.

Patients Phobic, Too

The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) reports, “Many health care providers under-prescribe painkillers because they overestimate the potential for patients to become addicted to medications such as morphine and codeine. Although these drugs carry a heightened risk of addiction, research has shown that providers’ concerns that patients will become addicted to pain medication are largely unfounded.” NIDA refers to this fear of prescribing opioid pain medications as “opiophobia.”10 NIDA insists that “most patients who are prescribed opioids for pain, even those undergoing long-term therapy, do not become addicted to the drugs. The few patients who do develop rapid and marked tolerance for and addiction to opioids usually have a history of psychological problems or prior substance abuse. In fact, studies have shown that abuse potential of opioid medications is generally low in healthy, non-drug-abusing volunteers. One study found that only four out of about 12,000 patients who were given opioids for acute pain became addicted. In a study of 38 chronic pain patients, most of whom received opioids for 4 to 7 years, only two patients became addicted, and both had a history of drug abuse.

But try convincing patients otherwise. In one survey, fear of addiction (as well as fear of developing tolerance and experiencing side effects) was described by patients as their most important concern—the very kind of concern that can readily result in reluctance to report pain or comply with a regimen that involves opioid medication.

In other words, blame for the underutilization of pain medications can be placed on patients’ fears, not just those of physicians.11 No matter who is to blame, many will likely agree that there is just too much fear at play in the system. The sooner it is tamed, the better off everyone will be.

http://www.orthopedictechreview.com/issues/julaug03/pharma.htm

Lifted verbatim in case the webpage disappears

Pain Management

The Washington Post came out with an article with the attention grabbing headline, "Doctors Warned About Common Drugs For Pain: NSAIDS Tied To Risk Of Heart Attack And Stroke." The American Heart Association came out with a statement discouraging use of Cox-2 inhibitors because of it's association with heart attacks and stroke.

"In the past, many physicians would prescribe the Cox-2 drugs first," said Elliott Antman, a professor at Harvard Medical School who led a group of experts assembled by the heart association to study the issue. "We are specifically recommending that they should be used as a last resort."

"This is a very firm statement we are making," he added. "It is our belief, hope and desire that physicians will take our advice, and by doing so it is our belief and hope that we will reduce the number of patients who suffer heart attacks and strokes."

There is a problem with the AHA statement....

Patients should be treated first with nonmedicinal measures such as physical therapy, hot or cold packs, exercise, weight loss, and orthotics before doctors even consider medication, said the AHA scientific statement published in the journal Circulation.

Patients who get no relief after those measures have been exhausted can be considered for drug therapy, but doctors should try drugs only in a certain order, the statement said:

"In general, the least risky medication should be tried first, with escalation only if the first medication is ineffective. In practice, this usually means starting with acetaminophen or aspirin at the lowest efficacious dose, especially for short-term needs."

While most patients are likely to be helped by those drugs, a smaller number may need to try a drug such as naproxen. Patients who require additional help should be given other nonprescription painkillers such as ibuprofen, and only after that option has been exhausted should physicians consider Cox-2 inhibitors, Antman said in an interview.

Most patients have already tried the non medication therapies . In addition, they have already tried a number of over the counter anti-inflamatory therapies and they are usually looking for the next step up in therapy. They want the pain to dissipate or disappear, albeit temporarily.

Here is an article entitled, "The Poor Management of Pain." It talks about how physicians do a poor job at managing chronic pain, especially with the reluctance in using opioid/narcotic medicines.

It is seemingly a no-win situation. On the one hand, the more you treat pain with opioids, the more likely you will be investigated by state or federal authorities. But, on the other hand, the less you treat pain with opioids, the greater your chances of being sued for civil damages on the grounds of undertreatment.

“Lawyers are lining up right now...looking for cases of poor pain management,” according to remarks given by Bill McCarberg, MD, director of the Chronic Pain Management Program at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego and an assistant clinical professor at the University of California, San Diego, who also serves on the board of the American Pain Society. “Whenever you encounter litigation against doctors for pain management, it is never because...we do not allow the patient to get a muscle relaxant...It is always about opioid management. We get sued because we’re not using opioids.”

http://www.doctoranonymous.blogspot.com

My Guitar Gently Weeps

Poetry Generator

BLOG POETRY GENERATOR. Hack the last part of the URL to retrieve random words from your own site, like this.

Net Neutrality

STOP the Internet Mafia before it self-destructs.
GOOGLE - What do you really stand for?
DUPLICITOUS is an apt description.

It has a dental consonant, a labial plosive,

and a sibilant hiss, followed by another sibilant hiss.
We will watch your actions, not your words.

I am a LAI

I'm the LAI,with no sort of grave, solemn thought, and I will never be caught by miseries sought, nor sigh; Where battles are fought or arguments brought, I fly. What Poetry Form Are You?

Actually, I can write poetry in most forms, the Lai being my least favorite.

The Lai developed in France and the features are:

9 lines.

Two rhymes, giving the form aabaabaab.

A related form is the French syllabic Lai Nouveau
(the New Lai),with some similarities to the villanelle.
The features of the Lai Nouveau are:
16 lines in two 8-line stanzas.
Repetition of the first two lines as the last two lines
of the 16, but in reverse order.
Two rhymes.

Free verse and blank verse gives the writer the scope of vocabulary that is needed to express ones ideas. Why constrict yourself to building a picture around a handful of rhyming words?

This is another rant:

I have recently had a book of poetry accepted by a major publishing house. I have been perusing and studying poetry on the internet for quite sometime. Poetry blogs and forums were an area of intense scrutiny. I have been searching for an unpublished blogging poet who does not have the backing of any other establishment. There is some excellent poetry around, but all the poets concerned appear to have been sponsored by a particular university. I wished to promote ONE poet in my book, a poet without a political axe to grind, without grudges against particular groups of humanity and without a flag of propaganda constantly stabbing its way through the writing. Unintelligible writing under the guise of LangPo poetry would also be excluded. There is not a single blogging poet that fits this description. What sad times we live in. Some have lost out by being deliberately stupid. Some have lost out because they don't have the brain to work out what is happening on their behalf.

Mathematical Reasoning

Mathematical Reasoning

I should have paid more attention.
I didn’t know there were so many
degrees of pain, angled projections
embedded in non-Euclidean space
that spiral into infinity, unfolding,
reassembling the balance of power
into heart shaped consternations,
fossilized in time, silent in space,
setting mosaics of bones and sinews,
casting canopies of cottons and cradles,
all anchored to the earth by cruelty.

Hurting

Me

Teetering on the Edge
of Hope and Desperation

Calor, dolor, rubor
fire and fluid
a refuge for bugs
a brackish breeding
termite tank
where greedy foragers
feed on toxins.
Calor, dolor, rubor
a ruthless purge
not a battle;
the haven turns
inside out,
slaps its rods
against a wall,
expelling drifts
of vile venom.
Calor, dolor, rubor

Garfield

Knitting Circles

What is the deal with knitting and crochet blogs? Every blogger couples up with another hooker to exchange their wares, usually in the form of something as useless as a doily or a sock. Why?

Would I feel better if I found a ranting partner and exchanged her rants for mine? Hers might be worse than mine. Every pain is unique and it cannot be exchanged or explained. My blog rant is a lonely shack in a secluded forest where only the trees sway in reverence. It is a lonely club that nobody wants to join for any length of time. There’s a KEEP OUT SIGN on the door.

Also…without any prior warning, these knitters post pictures of their latest orthodontic work and iced cake creations. Why? Do they have ADHD and can’t concentrate for long enough to know that yarns and braces don’t make good soul mates. Just think of all the frayed selvedges! And what is going on with those dreadful ponchos that dominate every blog? Do they think a poncho is attractive? I think not. Just because it is an easy knit does not give it a free pass into a wardrobe. Somebody should collect all the ponchos in one gigantic bonfire blog. Maybe they already have. Go visit your friend’s wardrobe. Do you see a poncho? No. Go visit a random wardrobe. Do you see a poncho? No. Is it a disposable item, or what? Do they give off hypnotic vibes that whisper, “Buy me - make my day” and “make me”?

And … what is the point of photographing skeins and skeins of cotton chenille, choo-choo shimmer, popcorn fruit salad bobble, merino stardust and Waikiki limeade, plus the closet where this yarn is stored, plus empty hangers where there will be a finished product at some point in the blog, but the artefacts made of said beautiful materials never actually make an appearance.

And whilst we are on the subject of needles and pins – Who, who, who in the world uses a pincushion when there are enough soft furnishings around the place to do exactly the same job? The carpet is an example. Most sewing patterns need to be spread out across a goodly part of the floor. The carpet is the best and most versatile pincushion and a magnet is quite good for retrieving the pins before scraping them back into the pin pot.

Another Rant

Yet Another Rant - Why0why0why????

Having put out a few feelers into the medical profession to enquire about my particular ailment, I am now completely disheartened to know that I am possibly fairly unique (and unlucky in the words of one doctor) in my failure to heal from a fairly innocuous but persistent, resistant, resilient bug. I now know the reasons behind the feeling that I am facing a blank wall but sympathetic faces and whispered voices whenever I enter the doctor’s office.

I’m also facing a battle of wits with bureaucracy. I now have to present myself in person to my family doctor, who has a 7-day waiting appointment list, in order to get a new small supply of medications and supplies that were originally prescribed by my hospital. I am now totally out of supplies and have resorted to ordering stuff from the Internet at prices sometimes exceeding 500-700% higher than my normal prescription charges. My doctor's receptionist said that I can have an emergency appointment if I am willing to wait for a cancellation which, in the past, has meant a two or three hour wait at the surgery. For someone in abject, unbearable pain, that's an almost insurmountable prospect.

Then I discover that the pharmacist has been given new 'guidelines' and invariably refuses to fulfil some of these prescriptions as they originated with the hospital and I have to argue my case and threaten to get on a bus and take my custom to 'Boots', a bigger and better pharmacy, just to get simple medications. This makes me wonder who is controlling the drugs available to patients in the community.

Feeling completely shattered about this new development, but I know it's just another wave of bad luck to ride over. I have to review and renew my vigour and faith. I shall meditate tonight instead of going to bed. I have an enormous piece of polished agate and it makes me feel close to the earth when I hold it against my cheek and lips.

Addendum 1:

Blogger: Your new version of Blogger is ready! (x 10000)

Me: Fuck off.

Addendum 2:

God has a really lovely sense of humor. As I opened my tea tree and lavender oil purchases I noticed that the seller deals with goat husbandry and goat related products from her trading place at ChaoticPharm. When I last looked, I wasn't goat related at all.

New Year - New Hope

Happy New Year 2007!!!

Hospital

Fear

As the time draws near, I feel
a sack of sick hurling itself
at the base of my stomach.
Maggots in gourds swing
from trapeze to trapeze.
I have no appetite for food
that morphs to iron filings.
I feel hairs springing to life,
standing erect at the nape
of my neck. A cannon ball
of jelly grows in my throat.
My mouth is parched. Fear.

Wasting Time

Being ill and recuperating is such a waste of time. I have always mapped out my life by the hour, by the minute, by the second and millisecond. I don’t know who taught me to do this. I think it is an innate inheritance from my grandfathers I never knew. I am only aware of being completely out of sorts when confined to my house and my bed because of sickness. I don’t know how much longer I would be able to live this way. I have plans when I return to health. Some of these have sprung FROM being ill, and having to review the ongoing situations. I need to know what currency to use whilst I am sick. It is like visiting another planet without the necessary means of sustenance. I have learned to override the predictable state with an unpredictable solution.

Music and Pain

Today, I tried to add a few more bars to my song, but fuckit, nothing worked. Everything I wrote sounded flat and monotonous. I like catchy, staccato, fulsome, flowing music. I gave up trying to flog a few headless, minor major diminished 7s in C, E, and G because of my persistent pain, which has now become completely immune to the strongest painkillers on offer. I said pain - but I meant howling, sizzling, stabbing, excruciating A G O N Y of a thousand venomous hydrae creeping over my body and sinking their razor sharp fangs into my flesh. I am only tolerating it whilst waiting for another hospital admission, so I am hibernating as much as possible. Even sleep eludes a pain wracked soul that spends its entire night wrestling with various pillows and cushions in order to find an evasive comfortable position. I wish I were dead but I want to create so much more music and poetry and pottery and painting.

This is a rant, rant, rant

Fuck, fuck fuck to mis-diagnoses
brought about by pulses and purses,
bureaucratic doctors and nurses,
administrators and perverse bursars.
Do not cross me, for I am a stingray
and I lash out once every blue moon
as ineptitude is allowed to prevail
unencumbered by the silent revolt
of truth, equality and fair play.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"
I cannot wish the fault undone
I cannot revoke my doom
"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Tragedy of King Lear

Act II Scene IV

Lear:
“Infirmity doth still neglect all office
whereto our health is bound; we are not ourselves
when nature being oppressed, commands the mind
to suffer with the body. I’ll forebear;
I am fallen out with my headier will,
to take the indisposed and sickly fit
for the sound man.”

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